Once bitten Twice shy.

Heeeey guys, hope ya’ll have been living your best lives, positively and gracefully. Well today I’m here to talk about the dark. It is a topic that I feel the need to address because most of us are fighting with the darkness within us; I know I am and it is really not easy especially when you are trying to move on or build yourself back together. It is a thief of joy.

The kind of darkness I am talking about is just like the literal kind where you are not able to see and it gets frustrating when you want to do something. Imagine it was at night and there was no source of light and you wanted to walk but you cannot see where you are going? Wouldn’t that be frustrating? Well the challenges you go through in your life are the darkness. I have already talked about how to cope with challenges, how to heal, how to trust in God for your ceilings while making the floors and how to reclaim your value. Now I want to talk about what comes after all that.

Once bitten twice shy. Cancer patients that heal always have that fear of the cancer coming back and they spend their whole lives being cautious and careful trying to prevent it. When you go through a financial crisis and you manage, you try as hard as you can not to go back there. When you break up with someone, let’s say because they hurt you, took you for granted or even abused you physically or emotionally, you get your guard up and promise yourself never to let anyone do that to you again. All these scenarios are just but a few of the forms of darkness we overcome in our lives.

After we emerge victorious and save ourselves from such situations, we move onward with positivism and hunger for bigger and better things but there is still that fear, that anxiety, it’s like a little voice in your ear reminding you of the pain in the past, or it’s a scar that reminds you of all you went through. I will give you an example from my own personal experience, every time I feel weak or dizzy especially if I am standing, I start to fear like what if my heart condition was not fully healed. It is crazy. Every time I feel like I am beginning to have a crush on someone, I remember the heartbreak and disappointment I went through in a past toxic relationship and I quickly shut it down even if the person is genuine.

That is not even half of it, when I finally allowed myself to be wooed into a relationship, I would do something for this person or be around this person and the voice in my ear would be like, He’s just going to hurt you like the other one did, what makes you think he is any different, and this haunted me for days. The fear, the anxiety and the ego because I was not about to let the same thing happen to me again but then, if I kept dwelling on these which were just scars in my mind, I would not be able to move forward, I’d freak out every time I’d feel dizzy and maybe I’m just tired or hungry, I’d restrict myself from enjoying my relationship just because I went for the wrong person before. So I turned it into something positive.

The fact that I survived the darkness before was for a reason. The darkness exists to help me appreciate the light; you will only appreciate the light when you know what it means to be in the dark. Honestly, ya’ll know I get these topics from somewhere, it was a movie/ animation called wonder land. I realized I was going through this period where I would fear or get anxious that past experiences would happen again so I’d stress myself into trying to control my life enough to make sure it does not happen again and instead I’d forget to enjoy the good things in my life.

Do not let fear do that to you. Even after all the things that come with the night, the sun will always come up in the morning. Enjoy everything in your life. Do not restrict yourself. Enjoy that good health by eating great food and doing things you couldn’t do before. Enjoy that relationship instead of focusing on past break ups and what led to them. Enjoy that money you have now responsibly instead of saving it all in the bank waiting for a rainy day because honey if you died right now, that money would only buy you a suit and a grave. Don’t get me wrong, be cautious, do not make the same mistakes because stupidity is doing the same thing the same way over and over again expecting different results.

That is it for today! Until next time, take care.

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Reclaiming your value!

Happy new year 2020💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾… I hope it’s taking you really well and that we’re all continuing to walk positively, trusting the process and building ourselves everyday. It’s been a while since I posted but there are a couple of things I had to reorganize in my life, had to subtract and add, had to build and destroy,had to separate and connect, but I’m back bigger and better, ready to face this year head on.

I realized I was here helping so many people through my writing but really I was also preaching water and drinking wine and that was not right. You cannot pour from an empty cup and me being here, asking you guys to let go of toxic things, to allow yourself to heal, to move on and never look back and not really doing that was wrong and those close to me would be surprised that I’d be able to come up with such great articles, I knew exactly what I was supposed to do but yet I kept doing the wrong thing.

I’m proud to say that that is not me anymore and I read somewhere that growth is when you’ve had enough of yourself and you’re ready to take charge and change your bad habits and it’s true, I got to a point where I had to change what I was doing, I had to not only know better but do better as well so I took the risks that come with new decisions and I took my life back from fear, from anxiety, depression, anger and low self esteem and I decided that it couldn’t get any worse than it already was and friends, since I took that first step I’ve never looked back. I feel good and I’ve never felt so peaceful in my life.

There is letting others down and letting yourself down. The latter is nerve wrecking, it’s terrible and it’s the fastest way to fall into the dark pit of lack of self awareness. You battle with things and as some of us like to call them, demons, that would otherwise be easy to deal with. Do not lose yourself for anything or anyone because it will destroy you and getting back will be a very narrow road but it’s very possible.

I cannot say I did it all on my own, that would be me lying to myself and to you. First of all, God is so good, God got me like noone else will ever have me, not even myself. Then there’s family, there’s friends and also I’ll say myself. Reason why I’ll say that I got myself out of that pit is because, God had shown me every reason why I should take that step, my Friends had told me everything I needed to know about why I should reclaim my value, myself, I knew exactly what I needed to do, hence my previous blog posts so I had all the facts on my table but I had to make the decision, I had to accept, adjust and advance, I had to do it for it to mean anything and I thank myself for taking that step.

All I’m saying is, guys, I can keep telling you all these things about what to do and what not to do but as long as you keep hearing but you don’t listen, it’s not going to help you, take that step and do it with confidence and I promise you will never regret it. I cherish you guys and I pray that we all live full lives💖

Ceilings and Floors😉

Hey there my lovelies, it’s me again, on this last day of September 2019 and believe it or not there’ll never be another 30th September 2019 so I hope you’ve been making the most out of your days and being yourselves, working on yourselves and others and spreading love.

Today’s article is different, it’s more of a testimony for me and I’ve decided to share it because, well, everything in my life has always been a lesson and all these lessons are the reason why I am who I am.

So, my mum had me at 19, in today’s world, they’re called accidents😂 and I’ve lived a good life upto now, we’ve had challenges, we’ve overcome them and we’re still moving on. But, accidents go to Emergency rooms and mortuaries, I went to an Academy, finished my primary school education and that’s when I remember my first challenge was.

My mum had lost her job and going to high school was a struggle, I remember a point it was so frustrating that I was about to enroll in a day school. Of course I wanted to have the boarding school experience like everyone else. I was devastated but someone was there to help me get into a good boarding school.

The 4 years of my highschool passed me like 4 days, literally 😂. And then I was done and it was time to go to Campus. I was called for a government sponsorship to a school I didn’t want to go to, to do a course I didn’t want to study so my mum told me to find a college but let me tell you, I couldn’t understand how I’d not go to a University after I was among the only 90,000 students who were able to get degree sponsorships in the whole country. Fortunately I was able to transfer both schools and courses and keep my sponsorship.

Shortly after I got into campus I was diagnosed with a heart condition and I underwent treatment for a total of 3 months. It wasn’t easy, the medication was very strong and I had to really take care of myself and at the same time be in school. By the grace of God, I got healed completely. There have been times in my campus life things got so bad financially at home, I’d be worried and I’d cry alone in my room not knowing what tomorrow might throw at me. Actually, many were wondering how I’d get through campus since my school is one of the most expensive ones in Kenya and the government doesn’t sponsor fully but I’m in 3rd year now and believe it or not, I’ll graduate.

I’m not telling you guys this story so that you can woiye me😂 I’m fine, actually I’m more than fine. I had the habit of being in good terms with God during the good times and lashing out on Him during the bad times but recently I went through a difficult time and it was not like that. I decided to put my trust in God and even when things seemed to be going even lower, I’d trust Him and I’d feel the hope of a better tomorrow. My favourite song during this time was Gracefully broken by Tasha Cobbs because it was exactly what I was feeling at the time.

This was a period where I had all the reasons to give up like I didn’t have the will to go on but I felt myself at ease and I felt strong enough to do anything I wanted. I didn’t lack anything basic and I was always smiling. I had 1000 things to worry about but I had a certainty that everything was just as it should be. I remember a very close friend of mine telling me that I’ve been glowing for a while now and I laughed because if he knew what was happening in my life he’d be shocked.

Why is Ashley telling us all this??😂😂

My message to you today is, don’t put a ceiling in your life. Don’t put limits in your life. Don’t say because you’re from a humble background you won’t go to this school or you won’t do this because God’s blessings have no limits. He will take you through a place you’ve always dreamt of and even over. You can put floors and believe that this is where my floors are, I’m not settling for any less. But ceilings, leave that to God and I promise you, you will see things no one ever thought existed.

I hope I have inspired someone today and you may be going through something worse or something similar, just know and believe that it will all be okay. Live, laugh and love my lovelies😘.

Bringing out the pearls in you…

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Hey guys, it is August which means that it is only 3 months to Christmas and 4 to a new year. 2020 is just around the corner and I cannot fathom how fast time is moving. Do not let anyone or anything waste your time because there is surely no time to waste.

I love today’s topic which is bringing out your pearls. The source of my topic is from a series I just finished watching. It’s called Greenleaf. Do you know how a pearl is formed or where natural pearls come from. Pearls are formed when a parasitic irritant goes into an oyster, mussel or clam. We all know parasites are meant to harm and take away from their host right, well the oyster, mussel or clam produces a fluid called nacre which coats the parasite in layers as a defense mechanism which later forms a lustrous pearl. Isn’t God beautiful?

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You’re all probably wondering why I am teaching you about pearls by now, but from this I learnt something. This parasite was going to cause harm to this animal but the animal defended itself and produced something very valuable. To make it even more interesting, this animal does not know how valuable that pearl is, but to us, humans, pearls are very valuable like gold or silver.

My lesson for today is, take that negativity, all that harmful stuff that has happened to you and make it something valuable. Something that those who look down on you and call you weak did not expect you to have. I watch this reality program called Revenge Body by Khloe Kardashian and it is about people who have gone through body shaming who take a step to prove these people wrong and they make themselves better. I am not done with the series of healing and this is part of it. All that pain you went through. All the negativity you got, how you were undermined and undervalued, take it all and do something that will produce something valuable. Today, we say we are glowing up, bettering ourselves and making sure that it never happens again.

Do not be afraid to take that step and be a better person, This is all part of adjusting and advancing. Bring out that pearl in you and be valuable. even if you will not see it, other people will see it because it becomes something you cannot hide and with time you will feel revived and restored. Another thing is you cannot claim what you cannot measure. Sweetheart if you do not know that you deserve to be valued, that you deserve to be loved, to be appreciated and to be given a chance to better yourself, then you cannot claim any of that. You cannot ask for something that you do not think you deserve. If you bring out that pearl in you and show that you deserve to be valued, then you will be valued but if you show that you are just a subject of pain and neglect then that is what you will get.

So then, let us bring out the pearls inside us and show that we deserve to be valued. Let us claim what we deserve and nothing else. Let us heal completely with no chance of recurrence trusting that God will be with us through the way.

Driving your mirrors☺️

Hey guys….. we’re still on our series of healing and first I want to appreciate everyone who’s been there for me and supporting me in this blogging adventure. I hope that you will all be blessed and I love you guys so much ❤️.

Well honestly speaking, I haven’t been to a driving school and neither have my parents taught me how to drive but I know that the mirrors of a car are used to check the rear of the car while driving. Well this is our topic today😊.

What happens when you’re driving and all you look at are the mirrors without concentrating on the windshield? Wouldn’t that be dangerous? Even when you are walking, if you kept looking back, would you really get to where you’re going safely?

In the concept of life, driving your mirrors means dwelling on your past. When you keep looking back on what happened to you, you don’t move very well. Believe me or not, I got this topic from a comedic series I was watching this last weekend. When you keep going back to what you used to have or what should have been, your past mistakes or even your past victories, you withhold your ability to focus on your future.

Instead of thinking about how good or bad your past has been, dwell on doing your very best in the future, take the risk, look infront of you and take the next step, focus on what’s to come and use the lessons you got from your past to avoid mistakes in the future. You can’t move onwards without looking back once in a while the same way you can’t drive a car without looking at your mirrors from time to time but the focus is on the future, the windshield. Take that leap of faith and be bold.

Let’s embrace healing my lovelies.

Lots of love.😘

Adjusting yourself….🤩

Hey guys… it’s July and let me tell you, I’m very very excited about the rest of this year! Why you ask…. because I’ve allowed myself to heal, I’m not fully healed, I won’t lie but the process is great and like I said, I’m trusting it.

Like my title today says, I’m here to talk about how to heal. I have 3 steps to moving forward in life.

1. Accepting what is already done, accepting what you cannot change. In my previous post, I talked about allowing yourself to heal and the only way to let that happen is to accept what already is.

2. Adjusting. Adjusting is when you make the changes that you can make to adapt to the situation around you. This is where you take steps that enable you to heal and this is what I’m dwelling on today.

3. Advance. This is the last step where you make cautionary measures to make sure you will not be in the same situation again. This is where you secure yourself from future injury.

How do you heal?? Healing is a great process where we pick up the pieces and find a way to glue them back together. During this time, you will give yourself twice the amount of care you’d give yourself on a regular.

This is how I do it. I do what I love, I take time to do what makes me happy, it could be swimming, going to the gym, plaiting my own hair or doing my nails, it may be going out with friends or having a nice walk around the block. Doing things that bring you joy is the easiest way to heal. During this time, making yourself happy should be your priority and I guarantee healing will be inevitable.

Another thing that will help you heal is surrounding yourself with people who love you and support you. This positive energy will remind you that you’re worth it and you deserve to be happy. It will remind you that there are people who care about you and it will give you even more motivation to heal.

Lastly, you cannot heal in the same environment you got sick. There’s no way a person who’s addicted to alcohol will get over their addiction in a club or a bar. If you can, change your environment to avoid a relapse. Don’t be the one to do things the same way expecting different results. If something did not work for you, change your formula and try again.

That’s it for me my sweethearts. I’m so happy because tomorrow is Sunday and I’m going to go to Church to talk to the greatest healer of all. God bless you my lovelies!!!💖

Allowing yourself to heal…

Hey guys….it has been a while but don’t worry, I always got you guys. Is it me or has this year been a lot? Anyways every experience comes with a lesson and I take every lesson positively because it’s all part of the journey and I must learn to trust the process.

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Well today I’m here with the topic of healing. As humans, we expect that once something happens, moving on will be easy. There’s this misconception that when you heal fast, you’re stronger. I don’t believe that one bit. It may apply to medicine but not everything else. Rome was not built in a day so don’t expect to heal in one day.

When you are healing, some days it’ll be easy and sometimes it will be hard. Sometimes the pain will be there, sometimes you won’t want to move on and sometimes you will fall back. Well, you’re not stone, allow yourself to feel pain. Treat yourself like a patient and take your time. Even when it seems too much, don’t forget your mission is to be past this situation. Rise above what could have been or what you should have done. Allow yourself to learn from your mistakes and do better with yourself. Before you know it, it will all be over and you will move to a new level.

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Remember, new level, new demons, prepare yourself for what is to come. Forgive yourself and remember that God is with you regardless of anything. The one person who should never give up on you is yourself and if they can’t see the best in you, see the best in yourself. I’ve got flaws, I’ve got demons, I have made mistakes but every new day is a new chance for me to make a difference and I’m taking it.

That’s it for today my lovelies and don’t forget to shine no matter what.

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If you want cake, go get cake…

Hey guys, I’d like to start by appreciating all of you who have come out to support me this past month. I have received more views than i ever have. I am glad my posts are inspiring you and helping you with your day to day activities and i hope this trend goes on. Thank you for embarking on this great journey with me.

Well today i want to talk about going for what you really deserve without apology. Nothing or no one should make you feel like you are not good enough or you don’t deserve something simply because they feel like they are allowed to have an opinion towards what you want or like. I think the people that live their best lives are people who live their lives doing what they love and accepting only what is good enough for them.

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If you want cake and you can get it, why should you settle for bread or biscuits. Why should you accept to be treated any other way than you deserve. You are a King. You are a Queen. You have your own life where you are the boss and whatever happens in your life, you are the one who lets it happen. My favorite movie of the year 2018 is Girls Trip and Ryan says that no one can make you feel like you are not good enough unless you let them. There is no way someone can come to your life and destroy it and you end up saying that its their fault. No. It is always your fault. If you can stop it and you didn’t then, it is your fault.

Rise up and get what you deserve, you deserve to get good grades, you deserve to dress like a supermodel, you deserve to be treated right,you deserve good food, you deserve good friends and you deserve to have a good life because you are a gem. I hope from now on, y’all are going to accept only what you deserve from now on. Have a great time guys and I might not post again for a while because of exams but see you soon and keep smiling, keep breathing and take care.

My wake up call….

Hey guys, hope your new month is coming along well and 2019 ain’t treating you that bad. Well mine is fabulous and it is fabulous because i said so. I have realized that i have become such a complainer and it is ruining who i really am, making me take things for granted and you know what i am putting a stop to that.

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So today I want to talk about that moment when reality hits you and you realize that you need to get up and walk, walk out of situations, walk out of fake people and things that tear you down. I am having such an awesome time writing about this because that moment when you realize you need to put a stop to certain things and do the right thing is a life changing moment. Honestly, sometimes I feel like it is God telling me, ” girl you need to stop all this, you are better than this and you need to realize how much more you deserve.”

Another thing is that you have got to stop trying to fix everything and breaking down every time you cannot fix something. I don’t think there is a doctor who has answers for all diseases so why are you trying to be something that does not exist. The only being that can fix everything is God and you ain’t God, so stop trying to be God. He has his reasons why he fixes this and doesn’t fix that.

Trust me it hurts to lose and it hurts to leave sometimes but you have to look at the positive side. I am saying goodbye to fake friends, two faced friends, one sided relationships, depression, self demeanor and negative attitude. It is time to stand up for myself, do what is best for me and invest in relationships that invest in me. Sometimes you have to wipe the tears,pick up your pieces, redo your make up baby girl and move on because you are the boss in your life. No one tells the boss what to do in their own territory.

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When challenges come, deal with them, there is nothing that can be thrown to you that you cannot handle. You may not have all your stuff together but you are trying and that is what matters. There is only one thing you should never ever give up on no matter what and that is yourself and if they try to make you feel like you’re not good enough, ask yourself what place they hold in your life because even if you would try, they wouldn’t still see your worth, focus on yourself and if they call you selfish, smile and wink because as long as you care about you, you won’t get hurt and if you do, you will be strong enough to handle it. Answer that wake up call, get your life together and shine like the star you are.

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What i want…

Heeeey guys,  its another day here at love my unspoken and i know its been a while but I’m here to give you another interesting piece to read.  If you relate,  please like, comment if you need to, i love to get different opinions from different people.

So a friend of mine,  one of my readers,  requested  i talk about what i think people should be looking for in relationships. From my own personal opinion, i hate how relationships are viewed as if they are just struggles and suffering nowadays. People have tried to make it look like being in a relationship is so bad and stressful. I don’t think that is how it should be.

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Personally, i view relationships more as partnerships,  rather than just companionships. I’d like a best friend that I can rely on,  a guy I’d be able to be completely serious with when need be and when we’re not serious, we’re fooling around.  I’d like a person i could talk to about anything, have the occasional arguments or problems which are bound to be and still be able to find permanent solutions for these problems. A guy who would be free with me just as i am with him.

A relationship where there’s love, trust and loyalty.  Where I’d do things for him and he’d do things for me. An association where we are partners in crime and also where we understand each other without  judging each other. I know there are times where one may feel like they should give up because of the issues that come around in relationships but think about why this person is your partner in the first place and all the memories you have made with this person . if it’s not worth another chance then let it go and move on but if the problem is not worth losing this person then don’t let them go.

So that’s my view on this subject… I hope you’re all having a good time during this beautiful month of love… And happy belated valentines to ya’ll!!!!

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